When You Love Someone
by laurzz
Summary: DannyLindsay and Messer family. Post season 9 and set waayy in the future. A sequel of sorts to “cop car”. ‘But that’s what you do, he thought, when you love someone.’


**A/N: hello guys; me again! So, I come bearing some more gifts… I absolutely loved the little family dynamic from my last story, "Cop Car" and I couldn't quite let it go yet, so I decided to run with it and see what happened. This time it's a bit more Ben centric as opposed to Lucy. I hope that's ok? This idea came to me and while it took me a minute, it soon developed and I have absolutely loved writing it! **

**A huge, heartfelt, MASSIVE thank you to all of you who read, reviewed and showed love to my other stories. It has been such a lovely welcome back! So glad some of us are still here! **

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_Come home early after class, don't be hanging round the back of the school yard. I've been called up by your teacher, said she can't even reach you 'cause you're so far. You've been talking with your fists, we didn't raise you up like this now did we? _

_-When you love someone, James TW_

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Wiping his sweaty forehead with his sleeve, Danny Messer had finally realised he wasn't a thirty something, young, energetic NYPD CSI anymore. In actuality, he was a forty something (alright, nearly fifty) dad and husband who also happened to be an aging NYPD CSI and throwing himself from one building to the other wasn't on the cards anymore.

He watched from above as the building his suspect had just jumped to was surrounded by Flack's men. He could hear doors smashing open, shouting, gunshots and crashing.

Before, he would have been in the thick of it. He'd have been sent the bullets flying with not much thought beforehand. He'd have thrown himself from one building to the next without a moments consideration. It hadn't been in his nature to stop and think first. If a suspect needed apprehending, he was your boy.

Not anymore.

He had four faces in his minds eye that made him think twice before throwing himself from one building to the next. He had babies at home. A wife. He had a mortgage to pay for, a roof to keep over the heads of his wife and their children. He had food to pay for, bills to pay… and he couldn't do that from a hospital bed. Or worse; the morgue.

No; it had taken him some time for him to realise it simply wasn't worth it. Apprehending a suspect wasn't worth losing his life over. He wasn't the only officer in the NYPD that could run after a suspect; so why did he insist on acting like he was?

He pulled out his wallet and pinched the picture out from his billfold. He ran his finger over the crinkled and worn picture of his three kids and exhaled. They'd had family pictures done last year and he knew, as he watched this one being taken from the sidelines that it would forever hold a special place in his heart. Ben was stood in the centre of the picture holding Lydia, giving her a piggy-back. From looking at the picture you could see the death grip she had around her brother's neck but you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at their faces. This hadn't been the "official" shot. This was actually a candid one. Lydia had spouted some of her usual nonsense which had reduced Lucy and Ben into a fit of giggles. Lucy was looking at Lydia with pure love in her eyes whilst Ben had his eyes closed and his head back, laughing.

He shoved the picture back in his wallet and pocketed it again. Sometimes he just needed a moment to regroup. Recharge. Remind himself that there were more important things in his life now. He heard from the radio holstered to his waist that the suspect had been apprehended and for everyone to stand down.

Danny turned on his heel and made his way down the fire escape, ready to put his game face on to question the latest lunatic as to why hed murdered his unsuspecting victim.

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It had been an interesting couple of months in the Messer household.

Lydia had started school, which had taken a lot out of Lindsay. Her baby, her youngest, her _last_ baby was gone. She no longer could spend the days nurturing their little girl. She'd struggled with Lucy going to school, and then Ben. She found it hard that her children; their children, were out of their care during the day. They were experiencing things away from them, away from _her_. She didn't know everything about their day anymore. And it hurt her. She was usually a very rational person, but she just couldn't help herself. Her kids were three of the four most important people in her life.

Lindsay had seen the pictures of her mom friends on Facebook, celebrating the back to school season, waving their kids off on the bus with a mimosa in hand. But that wasn't her style, she loved the pictures and thought they were hilarious but she'd had far too much experience with knowing that life was too short and her baby reaching school age had sent her into a little tailspin:

But, as August ended and September rolled into October, it had gotten easier: Lindsay actually enjoyed hearing about Lydia's day at school. It gave her a chance to miss her little girl.

And if Lindsay was totally honest? As much as she adored her daughter... her children… sometimes she needed the break.

And just as Lindsay had made peace with that, they'd been onto their next issue: Ben. Lindsay had gotten a call from one of Ben's teachers a couple of months ago; informing her that Ben had been caught in a fight. He'd roughed a kid up pretty good and everything had spiralled from there.

Danny had feared his son had been following in his footsteps, talking with his fists. They hadn't raised him up like that - Danny himself had made a conscious effort to learn from his _own_ mistakes - and he was concerned. Concerned his past was finally catching up to bite him in the ass for all of his previous wrongdoings. Fortunately, it hadn't been the case. A one off as it turned out.

It had however, uncovered a much _bigger_ problem. Ben's report card had come home a couple of days later and judging by the sudden change, Ben had been clearly struggling in his classes. They'd assumed he'd been spending too much time on the field and not enough time in English. And Math. And Science. And... just about everything else. Danny understood. He got it. He knew the thrill that their beloved game brought. He knew the dedication it needed. He got it all.

Lindsay however? Lindsay did not get it.

Lindsay had high expectations of their children. He did too, _he did_… it was just, he saw a lot of himself in his son and knew the thoughts, feeling and emotions Ben was feeling as a kid. Lindsay however, she didn't see it in the same way.

They'd argued, fought for days over it. It had been awful. She'd cried herself to sleep. He'd slept on the couch. Lydia had been acting out. Lucy had locked herself in her room. Ben came home from school and didn't say a single word to anyone; not even his sisters. But, eventually, things calmed down. Lindsay explained her thoughts to Danny and as much as he hated it, he could see where she was coming from. She'd been right the whole time. No matter how much Ben excelled at baseball, he couldn't let his studies flounder. He'd managed to coast his way through for too long.

Ben's grades had slipped from solid B's to solid D's. They'd sat him down, Lindsay taking the lead; asking why and what could they do to help to make things better again.

He'd shrugged, told them to mind their own business and stormed off to his room. Danny had wanted to chase after his son, guns blazing and ready for a fight. Lindsay however had simply stood, left the room and disappeared upstairs. He'd heard the door to his son's room be knocked on and then the door opened. He'd left the couch with a sigh as he followed his wife up the stairs. He'd nestled just outside the bedroom with his arms folded over his chest, listening carefully to the conversation.

"You wanna tell me why you're so angry?" It was Lindsay's voice that had broken the silence. Danny couldn't exactly see into the room but could see Ben's reflection in the mirror in the room. He saw his son shake his head no. "You must understand that this is mine and Daddy's business. You know that don't you?"

Ben shrugged.

"Okay, can I just talk at you then? Fill in some of the blanks?"

Ben had nodded.

"Okay." Lindsay had swallowed, she'd taken her son's hand and rubbed her thumb over the plain of the top of his hand affectionately. "First of all, I'm sorry."

Danny and Ben had both pulled the same face at her words. "You look so much like your dad when you do that." She'd commented at his face and Danny had to smile. She was right. "I'm sorry because your dad and I have let this get too far. We shouldn't have let your grades get so low before we realised what was happening. We let you down."

"No mom, listen, it's me- I-"

"You clearly needed something from us that we haven't given you. Whether that was a kick up the butt, help or a ban on baseball; I don't know. But you deserved that from us and we didn't do that for you."

"No, Mommy listen-" Ben had insisted. "I, uh, I… I've been skippin' some classes. I uh, my friend… she," Danny could see him rub his neck with his free hand. "She uh-" he'd been tripping over his words and it had broke Danny's heart to see him so torn. Deciding he couldn't wait any longer; he'd knocked softly on the door and let himself in. He'd promptly closed the door after him; giving Ben the privacy from his sisters that he knew he needed.

"You can tell us," Danny had said as he'd sat on the other side of Ben on the bed. "You can trust us, this is a safe space, alright? Whatever happens; we'll be ok. We'll deal with it."

Ben had looked to the both of them, looking for something in their faces; their eyes. When he was happy enough that he saw what he needed to see from them, he took a deep breath.

"Can I start at the beginnin'?"

"Yeah," Lindsay had nodded, rubbing his arm affectionately, "that's always a good place to start."

Ben had told them everything: it wasn't a case that he'd been struggling. He'd actually been skipping classes and missing assignments. Why? They'd asked. They'd asked him if it was to do with baseball, his coach, a teammate? A friend?

He'd nodded at friend.

_Girlfriend_? Danny had asked. Ben had rolled his eyes in response and corrected him. _Friend_.

Ben had gone onto explain that one of the girls who was in the same circle of friends as him had started dating a kid on the football team. A popular kid, one that walked around as if he'd owned the place were Ben's actual words. He was in the grade above Ben, a grade above his new girlfriend too.

Ben had watched from a distance. He told them that he had seen things he didn't like. Things his instincts made him question. He'd felt uncomfortable and didn't know why. He'd seen bruises she couldn't explain, he saw her flinch more than once when someone got too close and what had finally done it was the note she had shoved towards him during lunch. She'd got up and walked away. He'd opened the note and it had asked him to follow her, she needed to talk to him.

His friend had asked him for help. She'd told him in one corner of the school library that her boyfriend had been hurting her. In more ways than one. He'd asked her to go into more detail but she wouldn't. He'd asked her if he could tell his parents, they were cops, he'd said, and would be more than willing to help, specially his mom, she was good at things like this. She'd said no. She just wanted to tell someone she trusted. Someone who would help her.

And that was exactly what he'd done. He delivered her to each class and to begin with; hed just turn up late to his own class. But then; her boyfriend had got wise; so he decided to start skipping classes so he could be there straight away when the bell went to get her to her next class. He'd told them that she had no idea the lengths he was going to to protect her. It was his choice and his fault that his grades were so low.

So, when her boyfriend had squared up to him in the yard, asking why he was moving in on his girl; Ben had tried to settle the matter. Granted, it had been with his fists, but he'd told him that he knew everything and had no issues telling some of the most senior members of the NYPD about what he'd done. The kid had taunted him. Ben told them how the kid had made comments about Lucy. Asked him if she was his sister. He'd told Ben how he thought she was cute, hot: how he wouldn't mind a piece of her.

That's when he'd lost it. He'd smashed the kid's glasses, given him two black eyes, a broken nose and a bruised ego. After all, Ben _was_ in the grade below him… and just as he was about to ram the kid's head against the wall, his teacher had pulled him off of him and dragged him away. That's when he had got hauled into the principal's office and written up.

"And that leads us back to where we are now:" he'd finally said. "I'm sorry. I just… I see and hear about the things you guys do and, I guess, I thought for a minute I could save somebody. She's my friend and I…I wanted to help her." Ben had swiped the tears in his eyes. He cleared his throat. "And nobody says shit about my sister. Nobody."

Lindsay flinched at the curse word but decided against commenting.

"What he did to my friend, the thought of him doing anythin' to Luce, Pop, Mommy... I just lost it. I completely saw red and couldn't help myself. I'm sorry," he paused "I uh, I know you've always told me not to resort to my fists and how it doesn't get you anywhere… I just, I wanted to shut him up. I wanted to protect Lucy, my friend… other girls too." He ran a hand down his face. "I wish I'd told you sooner I just wanted to help her. I thought I could help her. I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys."

"You've told us now." Lindsay had whispered as she'd pressed a kiss to his temple.

Danny knew Lindsay would kill him for saying it, but he had to. "Hey, listen…" he cast an apologetic glance to his wife before he said what he was about to. "In regards to what he said about Lucy…I'm proud of you for stickin' up for your sister. I think it shows a lot about your character that you won't let anyone talk shit about her... and Ben, I just want you to know that…. well, all I'm sayin' is, had I been there?" Danny paused. "I'd have held him down for you."

"Danny!" Lindsay had barked at him, smacking his arm. "For goodness sake!"

After that night, Ben's place on the baseball team had been frozen for a period of time. He'd agreed with his coach and his parents that he needed to drag his grades back up to where they once were. When that happened, he'd be back on the team.

Benjamin Messer had worked his ass off to get his grades back up. Between the missed classes and the missed assignments it had proven difficult. He'd been holed up on his room for weeks, trying to catch up, taking on extra credit… doing whatever he could to get back to where he had been. And he'd done it. It had taken a while, but he was now back to pulling solid Bs and had even scraped an A in Science.

Then, after all of those shenanigans... Lucy had been caught with her boyfriend trespassing near the airfield. Luckily Flack had picked them up and she'd been grounded for a couple of weeks. Zack, her boyfriend, had brought Danny and Lindsay a bottle of wine the next day, courtesy of Zack's mom. He'd also written them an apology letter. Danny had managed to finally tell the poor kid that calling him Danny and not Mr Messer or sir was okay.

It helped that Zack had also brought Lucy a bunch of flowers that day too. As much as it pained Danny to admit it; Zack was a good kid and as much as he wanted to put both Lucy and Lydia in a tower, he knew he couldn't. Lindsay wouldn't let him.

Danny let out a sigh as he ran his hand down his face. The last six months had tested him, wore him down. Being a parent was hard. Being a working parent was even harder. He glanced down at his watch. Three thirty.

He had make it over to Ben's school by six thirty if he wanted to be there before the game started. It was Ben's first game back on the field since his little hiatus. He'd made Danny promise over breakfast that morning that he'd be able to make it. Danny had sworn to him that he'd be there; that he'd make it. He wouldn't miss it for anything.

A promise was a promise… he knew that. But as he looked at the suspect in the hospital bed receiving treatment for a gunshot wound to the shoulder, his anxiety was starting to trickle in. He needed to get out of here and he just wasn't too sure how he was going to do it.

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Sighing heavily, Lindsay Messer's eyes were glued to the parking lot. She chewed her lip anxiously as her eyes scanned the cars entering the parking lot. He wouldn't, _would he_?

"Mom," she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see her seventeen year old with a reassuring smile on her face. "Listen, he'll be here. He promised him, he wouldn't do that to him."

Lindsay closed her eyes for a moment and nodded. "You're right." She smiled as she learnt towards Lucy and kissed her cheek. "I know, I know."

"He wouldn't miss this." Lucy reminded her. "He's never missed a game. He won't start now."

Lindsay nodded. "How did you get so smart?"

Lucy shrugged and chuckled. "Between your brains and daddy's, you gave me a decent chance, I guess." Just as Lucy was finished, Lydia appeared from where she had been knelt on the floor; rummaging through Lindsay's purse. She bounced up from the floor and waved whatever it had been that she was looking for in the air.

"Honey, what are you doing?" Lindsay asked softly, guiding her daughter away from the poor people nearby as her arms flailed all over the place.

"My poster." She said proudly with a grin. "I snuck it in your bag. It's for Benny."

Lindsay took the folded piece of paper from her youngest daughter and opened it out. She read the words before stifling a laugh. She handed the piece of paper to her daughter to let Lucy look also. Once she'd taken in the words, they shared a smile between the two of them.

Lucy laughed. "Maybe there wasn't enough brains to go between the three of us?"

Lindsay playfully elbowed her daughter, "Be nice!" She took the piece of paper from Lucy. "Honey," Lindsay finally said, turning back to Lydia, "what are all these pictures?"

Lydia shrugged as she took it from Lindsay and smoothed it out. "It's gots my name on it because you always gotta put your name on your work. That's what my teacher says." She said proudly. "and Benny's name is on there because I did it for him... and it says Messer because we both are Messers. Right?"

"That's right," Lindsay nodded, she'd been able to make that much of it out. "Ok, what about everything else?"

Lydia sighed heavily as she climbed onto Lindsay's lap and held the paper outstretched in front of them. "Okay, this is a bunny-" she trailed her fingertips over the mass scribbles of pink in the top left corner. "And then this is a bear." She said, swapping sides and pointing to the mass of brown swirls. "This is a cow that I saw once in Montana." She explained the black polka dots in the middle, "and this is a flamingo." She said as she pointed to the green line. "Obviously, duh Mommy."

"Obviously." Lucy nodded solemnly. "We uh, I guess we're not as talented as you are Lydia!"

Lydia turned on Lindsay's lap and held her mother's face inbetween her two hands. She pressed a kiss to the tip of Lindsay's nose and smiled. "It's ok Mommy; you and Lucy can't be good at everything. Maybe you finally found what you're not good at…"

"Maybe." Lindsay smiled as she wrapped her arms around her tiniest little girl. "Maybe you've figured it out…"

From the corner of her eye, Lindsay saw Lucy check the time on her watch and glance in the direction of the parking lot. Clearly, Lucy's confidence in her father was faltering.

And if Lindsay was completely honest, hers was too.

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Danny glanced down at his watch and threw the casefile onto the table in front of him. "Ok, listen up. I know you did this, ok? I got your prints, I got the taped confession; I got everything. The DA is happy to proceed. All I wanna know is who you re working' with. You give me a name, I can make your sentence shorter. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours."

"Good try." His suspect spat. "But I already got my little back scratcher… right here in the form of a bullet wound inflicted by the NYPD. I ain't goin' away for this."

"You know what? I'm done: I'm outta here." Danny said collecting up his casfile and evidence. "I'm about to miss my kid's baseball game and I ain't about to do that." Danny moved towards the door. As he reached for the handle; he turned. "One last chance…"

"Enjoy your son's baseball game, Detective." The suspect said as he placed his feet on the table.

Danny headed out of the room; shaking his head. He glanced down at his watch. Ben's game started in ten minutes. He needed at least a half an hour to get to his school from where he was if he left _now_. He took a deep breath as he jogged through the precinct. He tossed his file on Flack's desk. "I gotta go:" He said by way of explanation. "Ben's game starts in ten minutes."

"Go, go." Flack said, "I got this. Go."

Danny squeezed Flack's arm in appreciation as he took off running through the precinct. He glanced down at his watch as he ran through the double doors. Five minutes.

He hoped and prayed traffic would be kind to him…. this was a promise he wanted to deliver on.

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Flying through the parking lot, Danny ran as fast as he physically could. Traffic had been horrific and it had taken him over forty minutes to get to Lucy and Ben's school. He'd thrown the car into a spot and _ran_. He'd texted Lindsay as he'd left, as he'd joined the bridge, as he'd gotten off the bridge and as he'd pulled into the parking lot... but she hadn't responded. Lucy had though and had told him where they were sat.

He took the stairs two at a time and emerged, out of breath just as the inning was finishing. He stood on the stairs, panting, desperate to make out where his son was. He could see his team was batting. His eyes scanned the line, desperate to see his son.

That's when he saw him. On the bench. Head down. He willed his son to look up and he did. He caught Danny's eyes and Danny's face broke out into a smile. He waved frantically, hoping Ben saw.

When Ben didn't return the enthusiasm; that's when his heart sank.

_He'd missed it._

"DADDY!"

Danny turned his head at the little voice shrieking his name. He looked along the line and saw Lydia stood on the red plastic seat. Lindsay was sat next to her, her arms folded, not looking at him. Lucy was peering around her mother with an apologetic look on her face.

He apologised to the people he disturbed on the row as he manouvered his way to the seat his family had saved him. He caught Lydia as she launched herself at him and he gave her a kiss to her forehead. "Hi kiddo." He said softly before setting her down on the floor. She took the seat furthest away; giving Danny the chance to sit next to Lindsay. Before he did; he bent over and pressed a kiss to Lucy's head. She smiled up at him and mouthed the words "Hi Daddy."

He sat down next to Lindsay, who he noticed, still hadn't even acknowledged his presence.

"Hey Linds." He whispered, pressing a kiss to her cheek: "did I uh, did I miss a lot?"

She licked her lips, "I'm not doing this here." She said quietly.

"Linds, what's the matter?"

Lindsay finally turned to look at him but cast her eyes beyond him, glancing at their youngest daughter who was staring at her parents. They both smiled in reassurance towards her and she cautiously turned her attention back to trying to wave at her brother so he could see her. She would however occasionally cast her eyes back to Danny and Lindsay, checking they were still smiling and happy.

"That's why." She said quietly, "she doesn't need to see me mad at you. And neither does Lucy for that matter."

"But Linds, I- I got caught up."

"I'm not mad about that. You shouldn't have promised him." Lindsay snapped at him in hushed tones. "You shouldn't have done that. You didn't see the look on his face Danny." Her voice was still in hushed tones. Danny glanced to Lucy who was busying herself with her phone, scrolling through Facebook, but Danny knew she was trying to avoid the argument brewing between her parents.

"Montana, I'm sorry baby. I tried so hard to get here on time."

"It's not me you need to explain things to." She said, folding her arms over her chest. "Nor is it me you need apologise to. You didn't break your promise to me."

He sat back in his chair and sighed.

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It hadn't taken long for the game to wrap up. People had left quickly. Lucy had disappeared with Zack and had promised they'd go only for ice cream. no trespassing tonight, they'd joked.

Lindsay had kissed Danny on the cheek and told him that they'd meet him at home. Lydia had pressed a slobbery kiss to his face before Lindsay had taken her hand.

As Lindsay made it to the end of the row, she'd turned back and looked at Danny. He had been watching them leave. She sighed heavily and moved towards him. He'd met her halfway and despite still holding Lydia's hand, she pulled him into a hug and squeezed him with her free hand.

"He got a home run." She whispered in his ear, by way of explanation as to why she was so upset with him. "He looked to the crowd for you. His face Danny, I can't un-see it. It's not your fault, I know that; I just… He so desperately wanted you here. Me being here wasn't enough. The girls being here wasn't enough. He does all this for _you_. You are his hero. I just wished you'd have been five minutes earlier." She pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You need to talk to him." Lindsay eyes moved down towards the field where a sole player was left on the field.

Danny's eyes fell onto the sole player's back. Adorned in capital letters was a name he knew well.

12

MESSER

Danny sighed heavily before pressing a kiss to his wife's temple. He ruffled Lydia's hair before heading off in the opposite direction to his wife.

He had some making up to do.

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Lindsay's eyes glanced into the backseat of the car as she watched her daughter's legs swing back and forth.

"So on a scale of one to a hundred millon, how much trouble is Daddy in, Mommy?"

Lindsay couldn't help the laugh. "I'm not sure honey; you'll have to ask your brother that."

"But Mommy, you were cross with Daddy too: i sawed it. You had your arms crossed. That's what happens when you're mad." Lydia nodded insistently. "I sawed you do it in my bedroom when I made a big mess."

Lindsay glanced up at her daughter through the rear view mirror "I'm not cross with him honey; I'm just sad that he didn't get to Benny's game when he said he would."

"Did Daddy lie?"

"No, Daddy didn't lie baby, he just... he..." telling her five year old that Danny had got tied up at work just didn't seem right; but it was all she had. "He had to put a bad person in prison and that takes a long time."

"Okay." She nodded. "Mommy, are you and Daddy gonna fight again like you did when Benny got into big trouble? 'Cus I didn't like it."

"No Lydia, Mommy and Daddy aren't going to be fighting again. I didn't like it either."

"You didn't?"

"No, I hated it." Lindsay explained. "I love Daddy and I hate it when I'm cross with him and he's cross with me."

Lydia nodded.

"It upset you a lot, didn't it?" Lindsay asked.

Lydia nodded. "I got sad when Daddy shouted. And when Daddy got there at Benny's game I got worried you were gonna get mad at each other again. Lucy said Daddy might leave if Benny doesn't stop being bad."

"Lucy told you that?"

"Well, she didn't tell me but I heard her bein' mean to Benny. She told him to be good or else. Then she promised to take me for ice cream so I promised I wouldn't tell on her... but she didn't take me for ice cream so is Daddy gonna leave? Where will he go?"

"What else did Lucy say to Benny?"

"Lucy said that her friend's mommy and daddy got a d-d-d- _something_. And it didn't sound good. She told Benny that she didn't want you guys to get whatever one of those are. She was sad Mommy. Benny had to give her a tissue and a hug."

Lindsay nodded and they fell into a moment of silence. Filing the piece of information away for another time, Lindsay thought carefully about her next words to her smallest daughter.

"Lydia, Daddy and I love each other very much. Even when we're cross at each other. Daddy and I have loved each other for a _really_ long time and you don't need to worry about Daddy or I going anywhere okay?"

Lydia nodded.

"I promise." Lindsay held her daughters gaze at they stopped at a red light. She reached behind and grabbed Lydia's knee, squeezing it affectionately"Okay munchkin?"

"Okay." Lydia nodded. "Do you think Daddy might play princesses with me when he gets home?"

"I think he'd even wear the princess crown." Lindsay smiled. "You know how much he loves playing princesses."

"Yeah." Lydia nodded thoughtfully. Lindsay could tell she was absorbing the information. She waited for the onslaught of questions undoubtedly headed her way.

"So Mommy, I has a question."

"I thought you might." Lindsay smiled, "go on..."

"Why was Daddy late?"

"Remember? He had to make sure someone went to jail for making a very bad decision."

"Oh yeah," she nodded. "I 'member now." She paused. "So Mommy, when you're with me and when Daddy's with me at the same time, who catches all the bad guys?"

"What do you mean?" Lindsay pressed.

"Well if both you and Daddy are looking after me Lucy and Benny, who is looking after New York?"

"Well Daddy and I don't do it by ourselves; there's lots of people who keep New York safe. Like Uncle Flack, Uncle Mac, then there's Adam, Hawkes... lots of people have the same job as me and Daddy."

"Oh." Lydia nodded. "So why do you have to work all the time if lots of peoples help you?"

Lindsay let out a long, deflated sigh. She glanced up at her baby in the backseat and caught her eyes for a moment. The little brown eyes searched Lindsay's. She just wished she had a better answer for her little girl.

"It sucks, doesn't it?" Lindsay finally said. "Mommy and Daddy both wish we could spend more time with you guys. But Mommy and Daddy need to go to work to pay for nice things, like our house, our car, your toys and our vacations." Lindsay paused. "Would you like it if me and Daddy had some time off?"

Lydia started kicking her legs, excitedly. "I would love that!!!"

"Let me see what I can do honey, okay? You leave that with me."

Lydia nodded and was quiet for a moment. "Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, honey."

"Hey Mommy-"

"_Yes_," Lindsay couldn't help but laugh.

"On a scale from one to a hundred million, what number do you think it is that I can have ice cream tonight?"

Lindsay pursed her lips. "I think your chances might be pretty good."

Lindsay glanced at her daughter just in time to see the little fist bump in the air. "Boom!"

Lindsay rolled her eyes like father, like daughter. "So Lydia, you never told me about your day at school..."

—————————-

Danny watched as his son threw a baseball up in front of him. As it came crashing back down, Ben swung his bat and sent the ball rocketing across the field. Unconventional perhaps, but that was Ben.

Danny cleared his throat and Ben paused for a moment before bending down and picking up another ball from that pile he'd created. He thwacked another ball. "Listen, it's fine." His back was facing Danny and Danny knew from his son's voice things were anything but fine.

"Buddy, listen it so isn't fine. I'm so sorry."

"Honestly? I don't even care dad, it doesn't matter."

"It does matter, Ben come here.. let me talk to you, let me explain-."

"Dad, I don't mean this disrespectfully," he paused as he turned towards him, "but I don't care. I'm not interested. Nothing you can say will make it different."

Ben's words hurt but Danny couldn't be mad with him. Not when he was so painfully right about it.

"I heard you got a home run."

Ben nodded.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here to see it buddy. Mommy told me you were lookin' for me."

Ben nodded again.

"Buddy; I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have made that promise to you. I shouldn't. I shoulda just tried to get here."

"Listen" He said finally as he turned. "I get it, alright? You don't need to explain it to me anymore. I know how it is. I like that you are one of the good guys, Dad. I do. I'm proud to say my dad is a cop. I just... it sucks comin' second to your job sometimes. I know you can't help it but I guess that's just how I feel."

Danny sighed heavily. He walked over to his son and laid his hands on his son's shoulders. He turned him round and wrapped his arms around his no-so-little-boy. Danny laid a hand on Ben's head and held him close to his chest.

"You listen to me," he muttered against Ben's hair. "You, your sisters and your mom are always number one to me. Everythin' that I do is for you guys. _Everythin_'. I know I let you down today and I'm sorry for that. I tried so hard to get here Ben. I wanted to see you get that home run so bad."

Ben nodded against Danny's chest. "I know. I just... I'm not used to this."

"Used to what?" Danny asked.

"It sounds crazy," Ben paused. "So many of the other kids on my team don't have a dad like you: their dads don't care or they don't really see them, just on weekends or you know... whenever. Their dads don't really come to the games and stuff, but you're always here. You care and I guess it's hard feelin' like they do. Even if I know you _do_ care and you got here when you could. I know I'm lucky. I know you care a lot about me and stuff. I just... ah, I don't know."

"No, no I get it." Danny said softly. He pulled away from Ben and held him at arms length. "I hear ya."

Ben kicked a stone away from him, staring at the ground. "I'm sorry. I know it's silly. It just meant a lot to me. I wanted to make you proud."

"Hey," Danny hooked a finger underneath his son's chin so that he was looking at him. "I'm always proud of you. _Always_."

Ben nodded. After a moment he sighed, "I know."

Danny pulled Ben to his side and slung his arm over his son's shoulder. "How about we go and get some dinner, just you and me?"

"Won't Mommy be makin' dinner?"

"Lucy's out and it's leftovers anyway." Danny shrugged. "Plus I'm sure Mommy won't mind. Come on. Let's go."

Ben exhaled and thought about it for a moment: "I'd like that."

"Go get your stuff." Danny said. "I'll wait in the truck."

Ben nodded, he turned on his heel as he went towards the opened door leading back into his school. He paused for a moment and turned back to face Danny. He moved towards him before wrapping his arms around his dad's waist.

"Thanks." Ben said quietly.

"Thanks?" Danny returned the hug. "What for?"

Ben shrugged as he let go. "For bein' you. For bein' proud of me. For comin' to all my games even when it's not easy. You're a good dad, Dad."

Danny felt a lump in his throat form. Ben quickly let go and set off to the locker room to grab his belongings. Danny stood for a moment and watched his son disappear from view.

The words rang in his ears _you're a good dad, dad_. Danny Messer was a lot of things. In his past life he'd been reckless, careless, sometimes even heartless. He'd been silly, naive, dangerous and had a little too much attitude. But he'd grown over the years. Lindsay had made him calmer. Sensible. Caring. _Grounded_. She'd given him the chance to be a father. She trusted him, depended on him, counted on him. He was a better person for knowing Lindsay. He was a good husband. A good role model. He had more patience, empathy, love.

His finest achievement though? The one he was proudest of? The one he'd take to his grave? Hell, he'd even inscribe it on his grave... was his son saying he was a good dad. That was worth everything... every late night, every early morning, every sleepless night. It was worth the pain he sometimes got in his back. It was worth the days where he didn't even see his family because they'd all long gone to bed before he'd got home from his shift that had overrun by six hours. It was worth the headaches, the heartache, the pain he saw in families eyes when he had to tell them their son or daughter wasn't coming home.

As he waited in the car for his son he closed his eyes and let out a long, laboured breath. He did it for his kids. He did it to make the world a better place. A safer place. If he could take just one person off the streets that was a danger to society, it was one less person his kids had to share the world with. They deserved the very best. They deserved _everything_ and he'd be damned if he didn't try and give it to them.

As he opened his eyes, he saw his son approaching the truck. Ben opened the back and tossed his backpack in along with his gym bag. He then climbed into the front seat. He belted himself in and turned to Danny with a smile on his face.

"You ready kiddo?" Danny asked his son.

"Yeah." Ben nodded.

Danny took it as a cue to turn the engine on and began reversing out of the spot he'd frantically driven into an hour or so previous. As he expected; Ben instantly started messing around with the radio, looking for the chart hits. He settled in his seat and turned his baseball cap backwards; and Danny couldn't help but chuckle. He saw so much of himself in his son. Looks wise, he was just like his sisters - so much of his physical features were inherited from Lindsay; but everything else? That was all Danny. His mannerism, his ethics, his love for baseball- all of it was Danny.

"Hey Dad?" Ben's voice broke the silence.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Danny turned to face his son. "Love you too, Buddy. I love you too." He laid his hand on his son's muddy knee and squeezed it affectionately.

Danny Messer had a beautiful wife who he loved more than anything. He also had a set of amazing, smart and damn good children who he adored. He'd move mountains for their kids, give them his last breath, the clothes on his back and the food on his plate. But that's what you do, he thought, when you love someone.


End file.
